The life cycle of a book goes something like this:
Study the world.
Listen to what it says.
Listen to what you have to say about it.
Try saying it in different ways.
Collect this into a manuscript.
Describe it.
Find an agent who believes in it (and you).
Put together a proposal.
Shop the proposal.
Hope that you get an offer.
Accept the offer.
Edit and finalize the manuscript.
Proofread layouts.
Promote, promote, promote.
Publication.
The rest is up to chance, support, and whatever else the universe has in store.
Sometimes, shortcuts happen like if you go viral or you’re really famous or super lucky, a publisher might come to you and just give you a deal. Or set you up with an agent to make a deal.
Mostly, it’s a long process. The average time it takes to publish a book is 1.5-2 years, sometimes more. And this doesn’t include the years spent researching, curating, shaping the book before it’s shared with anyone else. I wanted to quit at step 4. And again at step 8. And 14.
I kept reading my book thinking two things: this is going to change people’s lives and oh my god why am I doing this to myself. It’s all so vulnerable.
There are many, many chances for an author to look at the book and think: this is terrible, why would anyone publish this or want to read it? The length and emotional lift of this process makes it easy to quit at any point. It took me years to build the courage just to get to step 1.
Toni Morrison said to write the book you want to read and I did. I wrote a book about changing yourself to change the world. I have to remember this, because preparing for the release is bringing up so many insecurities.
The amount of decisions I make in a day is making me dizzy. Putting together an “influencer list” sent me into a spiral. Who do I put on it? Does it matter what kind of following they have? What if I don’t care about following and I just want to share it with friends, especially because the book is dedicated to queer friendship? But most of my friends preordered (I hope?) so doesn’t it make sense to gift it to people who I don’t know as well? But then that means I have to reach out to someone I don’t have that much of a relationship with and out of the blue ask them for their address? Isn’t that weird? What if they don’t like to read? What if they already have a stack of books at home that they haven’t been able to get through? What if my message annoys them, another thing to do on their list? Is it this hard for everyone else or is it because I’m neurodivergent?
The way my brain works is exhausting. It just feels so confronting asking people to do something (receive my book, read my book, support my book), when it feels like there’s so much going on. I guess I also forget that my book is an offering towards moments of crisis.
Sometimes I forget I have a diagnosed anxiety disorder. Not that pathologizing it makes it any “better.” But I have to remember that I worry more than someone who doesn’t live with chronic anxiety. I have to remember that it’s not my fault, this is how my body is wired, and I am objectively doing something very very hard.
While writing and prepping for a weekly experimental theater show that I just finished. While applying to writing competitions and residencies, while working to generate income so I can keep doing all the above.
Anyways. Thanks for reading my rant. I wish I could say all this more eloquently but this is where I’m at.
I’ll end with some short prompts and examples, in case you want to join in this exercise to keep the muscles of hope going:
Celebrating: facing challenging situations and growing from it, like visiting family for the first time in 4 years and planning a book release
Contemplating: how to tend to the wounds of what makes us societally sick
Looking forward to: book release event in NYC on Sunday, March 17 at 3pm + planning more in additional cities. more details to come.
Every preorder counts toward first week sales, which is the best chance for a book to gain momentum. You can secure your copy of THIS WAY TO CHANGE here for 20% using code JEZZ or secure it anywhere books are sold.